Aloneness vs Loneliness

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I met the mother of one of my son’s friends at the skating class, and exchanged introduction and some pleasantries with her. During the next class, I settled quietly at a faraway secluded bench with my study material in printed and MP3 form, and remained engrossed in it till the final whistle blew, and both my kids came rolling towards me to wake me up from my academic reverie. I noticed my son’s friend with his mother sitting on a bench at some distance. I tried to catch the mother’s eye, but she quickly wound up and left with her son. In the next class after that, I scheduled to make some important phone calls from my cell phone, and was walking and talking into my phone when I once again saw the mother walking in my direction. I was ready to acknowledge her with a smile, and kept my eyes fixed on her while talking on my phone. She, however, walked right past me with her eyes turned away from me. I thought that maybe she hadn’t recognized me, and went on with my task at hand. Once again, our paths crossed while we were both taking evening walk around our society park. I was busy returning calls to the numbers that I had missed during the day, and saw her coming from the opposite direction. I steadied my gaze towards her, and noticed that she quickly brought her cell phone to her ear as she approached near me. I didn’t miss my chance this time, and said ‘hello’ to her. She replied feebly while hurrying past me. I understood the whole situation, and broke into a smile. She, like many others, had misunderstood my liking for ‘aloneness’ as my attitude problem!


I’ve never felt lonely to the extent of trying to beat it with some gossip and aimless talk. I, however, immensely enjoy meaningful conversation with grownups as well as children. I love listening to the various things that people have to say about themselves and their experiences, and at times, like talking myself when in the company of genuinely interested people. I love to be alone with my work, thoughts and feelings unless and until I am lucky enough to be with someone whose company inspires me to blossom into my best colors and mood.


I feel that the basic difference between ‘loneliness’ and ‘aloneness’ is that ‘loneliness’ happens when one doesn’t enjoy being with the self, and tries to avoid it by seeking the company of others; whereas, ‘aloneness’ happens when one is in absolute harmony and love with the self, and appreciates interaction with those who are at peace with themselves, and whose company brings the best out of each of them.