In-Laws blues

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Today I had to be all ears to the woeful tales of one Mother-in-law and one Daughter-in-law; one tale-telling taking place during the pre-lunch hours and the other during the post-lunch hours.
Not long ago, it used to be difficult for me to listen to one party while maintaining a state of non-judgment and non-involvement. With studied objectivity in the matters of a highly volatile and combustible relationship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, I have tried to understand the problems that generally infest this relationship, and dare to offer some solutions.

During a meeting once, someone mistakenly addressed Kasturba Gandhi as Gandhi ji’s mother. On realizing his mistake, he apologized to Gandhiji, who in turn said that Kasturba was then more like a mother to him than a wife. In old times, the saints used to bless the newlywed woman by saying that- I pray that you become the mother of ten sons, and then have your husband as your eleventh son. The meaning underlying this seemingly absurd statement was that the woman was blessed to have such deep bonding with her husband as grew stronger in love and weaker in lust with each passing year of their togetherness.

We can understand a mother’s insecurity over losing her son to another woman who becomes his lover, friend, wife, sister, and mother all at once. Another problem is about the shift of power over the household from the older woman to the younger woman. The generation gap, difference in cultures and level of education also add to the odds between the two women.

Having known the fundamental problems that this relationship comes with, it can be suggested that the younger woman, equipped with better education, financial freedom, and her man’s attentions tilted towards her, should try to be sensitive towards her mother-in-law and share with her happiness, laughter and good wishes to the best of her ability. The daughter-in-law of today would be the mother-in-law of tomorrow, and her good work today is sure to reap good return tomorrow. After all, that which goes out comes back!