Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Today I had to be all ears to the woeful tales of one Mother-in-law and one Daughter-in-law; one tale-telling taking place during the pre-lunch hours and the other during the post-lunch hours.
Not long ago, it used to be difficult for me to listen to one party while maintaining a state of non-judgment and non-involvement. With studied objectivity in the matters of a highly volatile and combustible relationship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, I have tried to understand the problems that generally infest this relationship, and dare to offer some solutions.
During a meeting once, someone mistakenly addressed Kasturba Gandhi as Gandhi ji’s mother. On realizing his mistake, he apologized to Gandhiji, who in turn said that Kasturba was then more like a mother to him than a wife. In old times, the saints used to bless the newlywed woman by saying that- I pray that you become the mother of ten sons, and then have your husband as your eleventh son. The meaning underlying this seemingly absurd statement was that the woman was blessed to have such deep bonding with her husband as grew stronger in love and weaker in lust with each passing year of their togetherness.
We can understand a mother’s insecurity over losing her son to another woman who becomes his lover, friend, wife, sister, and mother all at once. Another problem is about the shift of power over the household from the older woman to the younger woman. The generation gap, difference in cultures and level of education also add to the odds between the two women.
Having known the fundamental problems that this relationship comes with, it can be suggested that the younger woman, equipped with better education, financial freedom, and her man’s attentions tilted towards her, should try to be sensitive towards her mother-in-law and share with her happiness, laughter and good wishes to the best of her ability. The daughter-in-law of today would be the mother-in-law of tomorrow, and her good work today is sure to reap good return tomorrow. After all, that which goes out comes back!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Child is Father of the Man...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
William Wordsworth’s poem ‘The Rainbow’ goes as follows:
My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began,
So is it now I am a man,
So be it when I shall grow old
Or let me die!
The child is father of the man:
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety
In her it seemed as if I was meeting my 18 year old self, though a wee bit smarter, more articulate, better informed, and more sorted than I was at that age. Having figured her out after my one-hour session with her, I found myself full of nostalgia about my magical adolescence and remembered it with tearful eyes and a choking heart.
I was a promising young girl who just needed a little guidance and a strong belief in her abilities. A few wrong choices at that time, and I was delayed by next 18 years to take the correct route to fulfill my destiny.
She, however, has in her what it takes to attain greatness in her chosen field, and I feel happy to provide her that little guidance and the strong belief in her abilities to help her fulfill her destiny without falling for degenerative detours.
Though the child is father of the man, it still needs tending and love to manifest the desired results.
The Two Rivers
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
She recognized a force in me when I scored good marks in my first monthly tests in class XI and called me a ‘Chupa Rustam’. My insensitive teasing of a class-mate for her song ‘tera mera pyaar amar, phir kyon mujhko lagta hai dar’ irritated her, and she chided me for it. My immaturity took offence and I stopped talking with her. Her maturity, in turn, made her break the ice between us and apologize to me. Our relationship emerged stronger after weathering that minor storm.
Her observant eyes and alert ears were the first to detect the nuances of adolescent attraction that a class-mate had started feeling towards me. She warned me about it; and interestingly, a couple of years later, she was the happiest person to whom I first broke the news of my emotional attachment to the same person. I, in turn, enjoyed listening to her accounts of some of the ‘dreamers’ in her vicinity.
We both went our ways – she married and went to the USA, and I found my job and my husband in Mumbai. Life moved on, but she very much remained a part of my psyche. I continued to meet her and have long winding conversations with her in my dreams. I went to the USA with my husband and googled her name there. She, then a young and dynamic doctor from the top medical school in the USA, was easily found. Real-life conversations started between us on phone again. We talked mostly about our husbands, kids and careers; and then, I returned to India with my family.
After about a year of silence between us, she once again called me on phone. Our conversation this time touched upon our spiritual lives. She had read some of my blogs on my website, and was happy to know that I had finally discovered my true calling. She shared with me her deep spiritual explorations, and I was thrilled to hear from her the very same thoughts and feelings that comprised my understanding of life.
The two of us have been on the move ever since we got to know each other. We started out as the feisty brooks touching upon the fantastical shores of adolescent romance; lost much of our bounce, but gained depth in the responsible adulthood of a wife, a mother, and a professional; and have started sorting our souls for meeting the eternal ocean in the state of complete preparedness and absolute bliss.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Show Business
Friday, April 16, 2010
Not many years ago among the Indian middle-class, Show-business was looked upon as a dangerous world for young girls. The girls working in the movies or as models, either came from illustrious families having a background in the film industry, or were the ones who worked their way up using any and every kind of means at the disposal of a blindly ambitious girl. Parents felt threatened at the sight of their young daughters trying to imitate the mannerisms of film heroines.
Not any more though…for the way the number of Beauty Pageants has increased exponentially is an evidence of the change in general perception about the world of Glitz and Glamour. Every second day, the front page of the newspapers carry the pictures of dozens of skimpily clad girls from some beauty pageant posing with some film-maker on the lookout for a’ fresh face’ for his new movie, charitably declaring that these pageants are like ‘finishing schools’ for the budding actresses and models.
If ‘Body’ has become an asset, and ‘Show Business’ has become a regular business, than the ethics and values determining the moral health of any regular business would be applicable to the show biz as well. It depends on the newcomers in this particular industry to purge the industry’s image of being ‘a cannibal world’ where ‘dog eats dog’ is the norm. To do so, they have to conduct themselves as thorough professionals who are out there to create value, or else, they would continue to be regarded as cheap ‘commodities’ by the male chauvinists who enjoy all the vulgar delights before their eyes and then sneer at the contemptible depths to which the modern woman can degrade herself to.
Not many years ago among the Indian middle-class, Show-business was looked upon as a dangerous world for young girls. The girls working in the movies or as models, either came from illustrious families having a background in the film industry, or were the ones who worked their way up using any and every kind of means at the disposal of a blindly ambitious girl. Parents felt threatened at the sight of their young daughters trying to imitate the mannerisms of film heroines.
Not any more though…for the way the number of Beauty Pageants has increased exponentially is an evidence of the change in general perception about the world of Glitz and Glamour. Every second day, the front page of the newspapers carry the pictures of dozens of skimpily clad girls from some beauty pageant posing with some film-maker on the lookout for a’ fresh face’ for his new movie, charitably declaring that these pageants are like ‘finishing schools’ for the budding actresses and models.
If ‘Body’ has become an asset, and ‘Show Business’ has become a regular business, than the ethics and values determining the moral health of any regular business would be applicable to the show biz as well. It depends on the newcomers in this particular industry to purge the industry’s image of being ‘a cannibal world’ where ‘dog eats dog’ is the norm. To do so, they have to conduct themselves as thorough professionals who are out there to create value, or else, they would continue to be regarded as cheap ‘commodities’ by the male chauvinists who enjoy all the vulgar delights before their eyes and then sneer at the contemptible depths to which the modern woman can degrade herself to.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
How to make Money?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
IPL season is on with its essential ingredients – Energy, Entertainment, and Economics.
Everyone connected with IPL seems to be rolling in Money…Big Money. But then opens the hidden door letting out the stench of Bad Money. The question that arises is whether all ‘Big Money’ in today’s world is in some secret way ‘Bad Money’?
How then will I ever fulfill my dream of becoming seriously rich while living by the values of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty (Satyam Shivam Sundaram)?
The answer comes from the Spiritual Guru, Deepak Chopra in his book ‘The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success’.
His prescription for success – in terms of material abundance, good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional and psychological stability, a sense of well-being, and peace of mind in life, is as follows:
1. Practice meditation twice a day, commune with Nature, and practice non-judgment.
2. Give the gifts of a compliment, a flower, or a prayer; receive all the gifts gratefully; keep wealth circulating by giving and receiving the gifts of caring, affection, appreciation, and love.
3. Witness the choices you make; when making a choice, ask yourself two questions: “What are the consequences of this choice that I’m making?” and “Will this choice bring fulfillment and happiness to me and also to those who are affected by this choice?” Ask your heart for guidance and be guided by its message of comfort or discomfort.
4. Accept things as they are this moment, not as you wish they were; having accepted things as they are, take responsibility for your situation and for all those events you see as problems; feel no need to convince or persuade others to accept your point of view, and remain open to all points of view without being rigidly attached to any one of them.
5. Make a list of your desires, and carry it wherever you go; release this list and surrender it to the womb of creation, trusting that when things don’t seem to go your way, there is a reason, and that the cosmic plan has designs for you much grander than even those that you have conceived; remind yourself to practice present-moment awareness in all your actions.
6. Allow yourself and those around you the freedom to be as they are; factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of your experience; step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when you remain open to infinity of choices.
7. Lovingly nurture the god or goddess in embryo that lies deep within your soul; make a list of your unique talents which when used in the service of humanity, you lose track of time and create abundance in your life as well as in the lives of others; ask yourself daily, “How can I serve?” and “How can I help?”, the answers to which will allow you to help and serve your fellow human beings with love.
IPL season is on with its essential ingredients – Energy, Entertainment, and Economics.
Everyone connected with IPL seems to be rolling in Money…Big Money. But then opens the hidden door letting out the stench of Bad Money. The question that arises is whether all ‘Big Money’ in today’s world is in some secret way ‘Bad Money’?
How then will I ever fulfill my dream of becoming seriously rich while living by the values of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty (Satyam Shivam Sundaram)?
The answer comes from the Spiritual Guru, Deepak Chopra in his book ‘The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success’.
His prescription for success – in terms of material abundance, good health, energy and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional and psychological stability, a sense of well-being, and peace of mind in life, is as follows:
1. Practice meditation twice a day, commune with Nature, and practice non-judgment.
2. Give the gifts of a compliment, a flower, or a prayer; receive all the gifts gratefully; keep wealth circulating by giving and receiving the gifts of caring, affection, appreciation, and love.
3. Witness the choices you make; when making a choice, ask yourself two questions: “What are the consequences of this choice that I’m making?” and “Will this choice bring fulfillment and happiness to me and also to those who are affected by this choice?” Ask your heart for guidance and be guided by its message of comfort or discomfort.
4. Accept things as they are this moment, not as you wish they were; having accepted things as they are, take responsibility for your situation and for all those events you see as problems; feel no need to convince or persuade others to accept your point of view, and remain open to all points of view without being rigidly attached to any one of them.
5. Make a list of your desires, and carry it wherever you go; release this list and surrender it to the womb of creation, trusting that when things don’t seem to go your way, there is a reason, and that the cosmic plan has designs for you much grander than even those that you have conceived; remind yourself to practice present-moment awareness in all your actions.
6. Allow yourself and those around you the freedom to be as they are; factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of your experience; step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when you remain open to infinity of choices.
7. Lovingly nurture the god or goddess in embryo that lies deep within your soul; make a list of your unique talents which when used in the service of humanity, you lose track of time and create abundance in your life as well as in the lives of others; ask yourself daily, “How can I serve?” and “How can I help?”, the answers to which will allow you to help and serve your fellow human beings with love.
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